Writing Prompts

What personality trait in people raises a red flag with you?

For me, it is difficult to choose just one after living with narcissistic abuse for 23 years. So you get a few triggers for me.

Controlling behavior: when they have to be the center of everything that is going on around them. The conversation, the location, the “crowd” they are trying to convince how great they are and how blessed they are to be in their company. Then there is the control of another person, usually their partner. You aren’t wearing that, you aren’t cutting (or coloring) your hair, you aren’t getting any more piercings, you can’t do this, you have to do that. Yeah, HUGE red flags!

Lack of personal space: when someone gets too close to me, steps into my “block around me” and I have to take a step back away from them, that sets off a HUGE red flag. And I remove myself from that situation IMMEDIATELY!

Manipulation: making you think that something you say or do is completely your idea. I have learned over the past 17 months to carefully listen to what is being said to me and now I know when to walk away from this type of person.

Gas-lighting: You know, the “that’s not what I said”, or “you are just imagining” or my favorite “that’s not what you think you saw”. Yeah, I should have trusted my gut. Women were given the ability of descernment for a reason. I just wish I had listed more closely and more often to mine.

Unnecessary affection or “Love Bombing”: This happens way too quickly in a new relationship, whether that be a friendship or a romantic relationship. This type of behavior can include unwelcome physical touches, buying completely unnecessary and unwelcome items. It can also include language that makes the person receiving them uncomfortable. The “I think you are great”, You are everything I have been dreaming of ” and the “I love you, forever” that comes too quickly, before you have enough to get to know the person who is “Love Bombing” you.

These are MY Red Flags and my personal triggers that I will absolutely be watching for if I ever find myself in a situation where these can manifest. I hope my “Red Flags” will help someone to recognize this behavior in their situation.